Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
