Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
