I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
