my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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