i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
