I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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