He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
