I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
