Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
