evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
