and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
