my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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