I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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