either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
