I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
organizing the empties. That sober.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
