Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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