this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
