never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
