how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
