you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
