He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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