hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
