Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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