so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
