At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
