This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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