Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
