just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
