I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
