dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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