its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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