Everything about him screamed your future.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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