Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
