Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
