Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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