I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
