New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
