so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
