he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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