Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This couple is walking their pig around campus
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
