Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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