and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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