somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
