"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
vagina is talking i cant
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
