I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
