just tell him i said nine months
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
