I wish i was in the wii world.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
