If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
