When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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