I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
