youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
