The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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