Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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