someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
