You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
