I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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