Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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