Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
MIDGETS
????
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
