I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
