Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You pole danced in your parka.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
